nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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