i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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