just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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