maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
