Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize