Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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