Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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