You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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