my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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