Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
