HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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