His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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