it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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