I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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