Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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