So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
