Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I could fuck to npr.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
