he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
