Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
