i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
