I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
