Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
