i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
