just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
