Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
