Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
