He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
