pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
