Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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