Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
