he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
