I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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