One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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