I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize