Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
