I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
