69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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