She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
