theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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