I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
