the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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