worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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