super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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