girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
