ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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