I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
