so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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