This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
