I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
