did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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