I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
