sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
