I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
