i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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