Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
