I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
im on a boat
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