K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
