Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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