The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
