Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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