Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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