im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
