I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
