you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
