you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize