In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
