She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize