NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
