drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
