Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
